AWW 14.05.2008 Westward Ho! or Algarve/Alentejo Border Patrol

Pre-amble: Segueing effortlessly from the previous week's walk, Terry A. reminds viewers that the Masked Man IdentiQuiz competition remains open.

Now this walk had, of course, been advertised as being "mostly downhill " . The penny dropped , of course, right at the starting point which was a steep upward-facing slope and when Dina told us that Vitor, refusing to come out, had said that we were all "louco". Mostly downhill it was not. The Leader's report follows without too much ado; but I shall leave it to the reader to derive the truth of the matter from the fact that his own official statistics are silent about metres ascended, from the way in which he rides roughshod over all the provisions of the Trades Descriptions Act, blaming all the hills on recent shifts of tectonic plates as well as on the Chinese, and then, showing a masterly touch of diversionary tactics, worthy of von Clausewitz himself, shifting the focus of his report completely away from the walk itself and instead to a previous totally unrelated, albeit esoteric, conversational topic which, gentle reader be warned, is not for the eyes of those of a modest of disposition.

Thanks to Dina for photographic contributions, and to Terry A. who, having had the opening words, also gives the closing ones.

The Leader's Report: "Warning: Portions of this blog are XXX rated and should be viewed only by broad-minded AWWs. News Flash: Shares in Western England Breweries tumbled on news that Ian S would not be attending the planned rugby thrash. However, AWW Futures rose sharply in compensation. With Rod regrettably still suffering from his ailment we were fortunate that Ian S. took up his slot, thus making two taxi-loads for the return journey, to whit: Johns O’Neill and Hope, Dina (Interpreter with taxi drivers), Hilke, David, Terry A, Ian S and Mike (Leader, or, if you were one of those who fell for all his pre-walk publicity, mis-Leader).

The Starters

Statistics: Total distance. 26.1 km; moving average 4.4 kph; moving time 5 hours 59 minutes. We met up at the Monchique Helipad at 08.00 and, following the drive northwards to the Algarve/Alentejo boundary in 2 cars, we were able to start the walk briskly uphill westwards (“downhill all the way” said the leader) at 08.35 hours. The mild, somewhat cloudy conditions made for perfect walking and the views northwards to the Alentejo and southwards towards Serra de Monchique were superb.

Views north

Serra de Monchique
We reached the trig point ‘Algares’ (455 m) at 12.00 noon right on schedule. There are now two fire watching towers but no one was in residence. The Leader proclaimed that, since his last undertaking this walk, there must have been some seismic shift in the tectonic plates resulting in a number of significant un- and up-dulations that he swore were not there last time. He held the Chinese responsible and, no doubt, Myriam will be able to offer some explanation on her return.

Without injury, we managed one such rather steep and rocky un-dulation (now known as The Leader's Revenge - "They want downhill; I'll give them downhill!) down from the trig point to join the road into Relva Grande where we ate a late lunch at Café Portela at 13.30 hours. At this point JohnH, who had not been feeling well for some time but who had stoically continued, gallantly escorted by IanS, took a taxi driven by a winsome Anabela to Odeceixe. There they endured the hardships of sipping ale whilst awaiting the arrival of the foot sloggers. This proved a suitable pick-me-up and aided John’s recovery.

Transport of delight

(It is not clear to your Editor whether IanS.'s selflessness in depriving himself of a further 9 kms walking was motivated more by concern about JohnH's health or more by doubts as to the wisdom of his being allowed to go off alone with the aforesaid winsome Anabela; but let IanS. speak for himself).

"The walk then continued through superb meadows of cereals and wild flowers – a delight to the eye but bad news for the Leader’s hay fever. Dina maintained regular telemovel contact with the taxi drivers due to meet us at the end which worked well as we only had to walk for 10 minutes up the tarmac, parallel to the Seixe River, before they appeared. The cost per head for the considerable journey back to the Monchique Helipad was €12. "An interesting discussion had been held during the preceding week’s walk on May 7th as to whether jihadist suicide bombers were rewarded in Paradise with 70 virgins or 70 black olives. Clarification is to hand through an article by Ibn Warraq dated 26/01/07. "Firstly, it is only in the ‘Islamic Traditions’ that the number of virgins is stated and, in any event it should be 72 not 70, though whether the additional 2 makes a material difference is a moot point. Nowhere in the Koran is the actual number of virgins in paradise specified. Secondly these heavenly delights await specifically martyrs, not those committing suicide which is expressly forbidden in the Koran. There are several Koranic references but sura vv 12-39 is apposite. “They shall recline on jeweled couches face to face, and there shall wait on them immortal youths with bowls and ewers and a cup of purest wine that will neither pain their heads nor take away their reason . [Wine Mine to advise, Ed] ….” "It does seem that the Arabic (pl) ‘Abkarun’ is correctly translated as virgins, though some Muslims claim the word should be more correctly translated as ‘angels’. The word ‘hur’ occurs four times in the Koran and is usually translated as a “maiden with dark eyes”. The Koranic commentator and polymath Al-Suyuti (d.1505) elaborated on the matter: “Each time we sleep with a houri we find her a virgin. Besides, the penis of the Elected never softens. The erection is eternal; the sensation that you feel each time you make love is utterly delicious and out of this world and were you to experience it in this world you would faint. …….” "Now, as to the AW Walker who asserted that it was juicy black olives rather than virgins that awaited the suicide bomber in Paradise this appears to be without foundation. From Luxenberg’s assessment (as yet unassessed), it does appear that there could be a mis-translation between the Syriac word ‘hur’ meaning white with ‘raisin’ implied. Ibn Warraq perhaps has the last word to say in the matter: “…prospective martyrs would do well to abandon their culture of death, and instead concentrate on getting laid 72 times in this world, unless of course they would prefer chilled or white raisins, according to their taste, in the next.”

End of Report

Well, last week, the theme was "Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme." This week, it seems to have been "Raisins, olives and Black-Eyed .............Peas."

The end of a long day

Terry A. has the last word, or Orogenisis.